Just Keep Swimming

just to warn y'all: i have not lost weight. if you're looking for some post to motivate you or to find out certain methods of losing weight, this is not for you

This post is going to be a ramble post, but honestly what's new. This blog is my space where I can free up what's on my mind. Please bare with me here.

Without going into all the mundane details about how I want to lose weight and why, I just want to talk about losing weight mentally. Losing weight is a huge deal, but preparing yourself mentally for it is something in and of itself. I can't even begin to count the number of times I have tried to lead a healthier life. I think the longest I went was three weeks back in junior year where I used exercising as an outlet while losing my dad. The mentality of this process is something not many people talk about enough I feel like.

I think a million times a day about how I could be healthier. I'm in multiple health groups on facebook, follow onstage and dedicated to weight loss journeys, and subscribe to youtubers the same way. Why is none of this motivating me to do something about myself. I think, "maybe this will be the thing that really does it, that really pushes me to do something about myself" but is that healthy? Should I be relying on someone else's success to ignite mine??

Yes, I think it's empowering to see others transform their lives and to be inspired by someone - but to hope and pray that seeing their transformation will spark something in me is not the same. I should want this for myself. To be my own person. To create my own transformation story. Everyone is different. Someone's success is not mine. Their success will be different from mine and I should not be too focused on the details. It's time to make a change. It's time to love myself now so that I can love myself later. Here's to a new me

-sam

ps I'm sorry this is so cringe worthy I'm trying to be inspiring or something here but it's probably just garbage

I've recently decided to kind of get my life together and fix my sleeping schedule. Crazy right? Now, I know I'm a college student, but I don't have 8 am's or do I like to pull all nighters. My sleeping schedule was to go to sleep at 2 am and wake up at 10 am everyday. A mess. SO I know go to bed at 11:30 and wake up at 8. I try and read before bed and that seems to have really helped ease my mind. In the post before this, I said that I've been really struggling with a clouded mind, but this has been working.

 When I read, I am temporarily transported into the book and it is an amazing feeling. I totally forget about my struggles and submerse myself into the book. I try and read at least 30 minutes before my bedtime, and I don't complain if it's earlier than that. the hardest part is putting the book down!

 As of right now I am reading Girl Online: Going Solo by Zoe Sugg. I've  read the other two books and I love the series. I can make a whole post about that but I won't. I can read really fast so I am almost done with this book. Next to read is All the Bright Places (I can't remember who it's by I'm sorry) but yeah! I've heard amazing things about it and my local Ollie's had it for $3 compared to the $12 I almost bought it at.

I just need book recommendations. If you have any that's great for a young adult/college student, please, please share.

-sam

cw: body issues, mental health

i'm not very good at putting my emotions into words, but recently I have been feeling "down in the dumps." a few of my friends have noticed and i know they want to help, but they can only help so much, y'know? it's really all up to me at this point. i've struggled with my body for the longest time. i gained so much weight as a little girl, but did not feel affected by it until some family members made some comments about it. here i am, sat over ten years later, truly affected by it. it all hit me when i couldn't fit on a roller coaster ride. there's nothing more embarrassing then being told you can't ride a ride because the harness isn't down all the way.

i don't really know why i'm writing this, but just bear with me and i'm sorry for the lack of proper punctualization(?), i just can't be bothered

but recently, my mind hasn't been right. normally i just shrug off my problems and say ill fix it one day. even though i've been feeling worse and worse, i still have that mentality if i'm honest.

im scared. what if i lose weight, what will happen? what if i don't lose weight, what will happen? can i still get a career in the field i want? will i be alright mentally? will i maintain my friendships? will i form new relationships? i just have so many questions and i know i won't get the answers right now and i'm scared.

i don't want to let anyone down. i know that sounds stupid: i should only do this for myself. but i ramble and i moan and i complain about myself so much but i never do anything about it. i don't want that all to be for nothing if you know what i mean.

i need help. i can't do this on my own. i know i have the support from my friends but i want a personal trainer and i know that sounds ridiculous, but i just don't know if i have the motivation to get my butt moving if i don't have one. i miss my mom cooking all the time. she would cook my healthier meal so that would be one less thing to worry about.

im going to end this here. i know its abrupt and ill probably write a second part to this another day. i've been finding comfort in writing my feelings down, even if it's as basic as can be. typing is easier compared to writing it all down and maybe someone out there can help me. i know this won't reach a big audience, but it's worth a shot.

-s.

Before coming to college, I had no idea what to expect. I was an only child practically running away from home. Four hours from where I grew up, I was thrown into a building with many more people than just my mom and dad, and now, I had to share a room with someone. So here I am today to give you an insight on what a typical day in the life of a college freshman entails!

My schedule consists of MWF classes and TuTh classes. For this blog post, I will focus on Wednesday, as it is one of my busiest days.

Wednesday, 8:15 am

To those of you still in High School, waking up past eight may feel like a dream. But, once you're in college, not so much. Although I'm blessed to have no 8 am's, I still have to be in class by 9:05, and that is hard enough. If I love myself, I will plan my outfit the night before (if I love myself even more, I'll go to sleep at a decent time HA). I normally lay in bed until 8:30 where I have to force myself to get up and then leave around 8:45. I like to be in class early, and luckily for me, my class is right across from my dorm.

9:05 am

I hate this class. HM 203, Ethics & Law in Hospitality. It's your basic government class with a mix of Hospitality. Woo. Enough of that.

9:55 am

Class is over (thank god) and I meet with my friend Natalie. I head back to my dorm and relax. This is where I now brush my teeth and wash my face and start to look presentable for the day (I'm not a morning person if you couldn't tell). Around 11 I start to feel hungry so I'll head down the hill to get some food. Today I went for Honey Mustard Chicken Wraps and Mac N' Cheese. I'm so lucky to go to a school with good food. I may film a YouTube video, clean my room, catch up on studying, until it's time to go to my next class.

1:25 pm

I leave my dorm at 1 to head to East Campus. This class is English Literature before the Civil War. Super boring. Lots of reading. It's my only class in a huge lecture hall and honestly, I just doodle in my notes. Attendance isn't required here, so a lot of people skip.

2:15 pm

This is where my day starts to get busy. I run back to my dorm and finish any work that may need to be done because I know I won't want to be able to do it tonight.

4:15 pm

I have a meeting at 4:0 every other week for a program that I'm in. They're super boring and appear longer than they should. Have to go to them though, yuck.

4:50 pm

I THEN have to leave that early (bless) and catch a bus to go to the OTHER SIDE of campus for my last class. It doesn't start till 5:30, but I can never trust the buses around here.

5:30 pm

I'm in my Intro to Calculus class. I've already taken calc, so this is super boring and I know practically everything. If we didn't have exit questions for a grade, I probably would skip it. Good thing is, I only have it Monday and Wednesday.

6:45 pm

This may sound silly, but now I run to Dunkin' Donuts before they close at 7. They're my favorite and they have the best sweet iced tea on campus. I then meet my roommate and get dinner. Wednesday's are often Spaghetti (SO GOOD).

From then on, I will head back to my dorm, finish any homework if I haven't already, take a shower, and then relax for the rest of the night. I don't feel the need to study 24/7 and I definitely believe everyone needs to wind down at night.

Hope you enjoyed this blog post and make sure to leave a comment below!

xoxo,
Sam

This summer I plan on going to 5 concerts, which is basically the more than the total number of concerts I've been to combined before this summer.

I've already have been to two of those five. The 1975 & Luke Bryan.

The 1975 was so freaking good. The band, Bad Suns opened for them, and while I wasn't there for them, a lot of people were. I must admit, they were pretty good. Might have to put some songs onto my phone. Matty came out, wine bottle in hand and sang The City. What a great beginning to an amazing show. I was closest to Ross, but George took his shirt off *insert heart eye emoji* I went with my twitter friend, Kayla. The best part, we got to meet Matty! Here I will insert some photos from that night!

Kayla touched Matty's hair

Got my ticket signed!

Me. He smelled of sex basically.

I also then got to see Luke Bryan in concert. FOR FREE. My radio station said on air, the first person to get to the venue will get free lawn tickets. I raced there, got stuck in traffic, and got them (luckily) It's a good thing I live a little less than three miles away right? So I took my mom and my best friend. He knew how to throw a concert. There were so many drunk people and cowboy boots, but it was worth it. (I did get anxious with all the drunk people around me) here are the few pictures I took from that